


Stay Right Here and Burn in This All Day

by Uglysweater



Series: No Control [2]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 03:52:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3835999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uglysweater/pseuds/Uglysweater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the aftermath of that other one</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay Right Here and Burn in This All Day

He's driving to St. Agnes. He's going to tell Adam what the fuck just happened. Adam deserves to know. 

Ronan downshifts as he pulls off the highway. God, his pants are disgusting. He's disgusting. Fuck. Ronan thinks he just lost his virginity to Adam Parrish and half the party doesn't even know it happened. Fuck, that's. Is that? It's bad. It's very bad. Half the party doesn't know it happened, yet. Because Ronan's going to tell him. Right now. He might pull over to throw up first. 

He pulls into the little church parking lot and looks up to the window of the little apartment above the little church. The light is already out. Shit. Adam must have been tired. Maybe he used the, the, you know, to help fall asleep. Adam so rarely gets a good night sleep. Ronan wonders if it's ever happened. Adam, in fact, rarely does anything for himself. Himself in the present moment, that is. He does plenty, works himself ragged, to help the Adam Parrish of the future. Ronan hates that guy. He sees the Adam Parrish he knows kill himself to get to that guy every day. 

When was the last time Adam got to have a moment alone? A moment for himself. A fucking second just to feel good in his body. Ronan feels gross again. If he goes up there and tells Adam he might not ever do it again. The risk analysis would be too high. Adam would get embarrassed, even though it wasn't his fucking fault, and then he would never do it again. 

Ronan stands outside the car, outside the church, practically outside himself. Maybe it never actually happened in the first place. Maybe it was just another one of Ronan's fucked up dreams. Maybe he's moved away from dreaming about boys touching his tattoo and gone straight (heh) to dreaming about boys touching themselves. Maybe it didn't really happen. Maybe, if he runs up there and tells Adam what happened, Adam will look at him like he's crazy because he didn't feel a fucking thing. 

Ronan stands outside the church for another hour, then another. He stands out there until dawn begins to inch over the horizon. He watches Mrs. Ramirez unlock the front doors. She waves at him as she heads into the church office. He waves limply back. Then he stands out there longer. 

He stands out there like a fucking loser long enough that the door to the tiny apartment swings open and Adam Parrish strolls out. He's got a backpack stacked heavy with school books swung around his shoulder. He hops down the narrow staircase into the parking lot like nothing's wrong. 

He stops short when he sees Ronan standing there. "What are you doing here Lynch?" 

"Giving you a ride." He opens the passenger side door, praying to the God he hopes is in the building in front of him that he sounds like he really is here just to pick Adam up. "Get in, we'll be late."

"When have you ever cared about being on time to school." Adam slides in the front seat and throws his bag in the back. 

"I don't care" Ronan tells him. The unsaid truth being that yes, Ronan doesn't care about being on time for the first bell. But he knows Adam does. So he pushes the edge of the speed limit to get them there early. 

"Do anything last night?" Ronan asks, hoping it comes across as at least a little casual.

"No. Worked on the paper for Briggs. Have you finished it? What side did you take?" 

Ronan sighs, relieved. "So that's it? Nothing happened?" 

Adam turns to him, puzzled. "What are you talking about? Did you throw Noah out a window again? Is that what happened?" 

"No, Jesus. When did you get so accusatory? Stop hanging out with Sargent so much." He rolls his eyes dramatically and speeds toward the school. 

And that's it. Nothing happened. It's not like Adam said "oh I was choking the chicken thinking about you last night" when Ronan asked so how is he supposed to bring it up? So he doesn't. And everything is normal. 

For the most part. 

Sometimes Adam will say his name and Ronan will nearly cream his pants at the memory. It's a special kind of hell now whenever he sees Adam adjusts his pants at all. Because Ronan knows what's under there now. Well, objectively he's always sort of known? And it's not like he actually saw it. Just felt it. In a way. And one time, when they were all in the Pig, Ronan saw Adam pull the lotion out of his pocket in the rear view mirror. He watched Adam apply the lotion to his hands in a panic. What if happens again while everyone's here. Obviously Adam's not going to whip his dick out right now in the backseat of the Pig sandwiched between Blue and Noah. But what if Ronan can feel it again. What if everyone can tell? 

Luckily nothing happens in the car. Ronan thinks it might be starting again late one night at Monmouth. He's sitting on the floor with Gansey, helping him build his giant fucking map, when his fingers start tingling again, the same way as before. He's about to make up some lame excuse and lock himself in his bedroom, music turned on full blast, before Gansey stands and takes out his phone "I'm going to call Adam. He might want to help." 

Gansey calls him and the phone rings on and on, like Adam is debating ignoring the call. Ronan would be so proud if Adam really did ignore Gansey in favor of masturbating. He would also be in Hell. But before he has to worry about it Adam picks up Gansey's call and the tingling stops. 

So yeah, everything's great. Peachy. Ronan's fine. He slowly eases himself back into being normal around Adam. Normal being relative and 'easing back' only taking about a week until he's crashing at St. Agnes again. 

They've been working on trig homework. Well, Adam is working. Ronan has been staring at the same page in his notes for the past 45 minutes. Which is to say he's staring at some doodles on the page. He glances up. The fucking hand lotion is sitting on Adam's dresser. Just, sitting there. Taunting him. When he draws his gaze back around he just misses meeting Adam's eyes. Ronan smirks. He feels a sick sort of thrill whenever that happens, whenever he catches Adam looking at him. Adam probably looks at him like you keep an eye on a wild a wild animal so it doesn't pounce. But Ronan like to imagine it's for something sweeter. Ronan stretches and sighs, hearing a crack in his neck. 

Adam clears his throat, "It's getting late." 

"Do you want me to go?" Ronan asks. He always asks. 

"You can stay if you want." Adam replies. Replies but doesn't answer the question. He doesn't tell Ronan what he wants. He never does. "I'm just going to shower." 

He disappears into the bathroom and Ronan begins to pack up. He's not going to leave but he wants it to look like he might in case Adam wants the chance to ask him to stay. The most passive game of gay chicken ever played. 

Ronans just zipping up his backpack when his fingers feel a chill. 

His head snaps up to the dresser. The lotion is gone. Fuck fuck fuck. He whips around to look at the bathroom door. Adam must have the fucking lotion with him in the shower. Shit. 

The tingling immediately begins to spread down his chest. Then lower and lower. Ronan needs to get the hell out of here. Lower and lower still. He scrambles up, grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door. 

He's got his hand on the doorknob when he feels a hand, Adam's firm beautiful hand, grab his ass then slide a finger between the cheeks. 

"What the fuck?!" Ronan shouts and he heard a clatter from the bathroom. The tingling stops. 

He hears Adam call out "Is everything okay?" His voice dulled by the spray of the water. 

"No it fucking is not fucking okay" He throws his backpack at the door. 

"I'll be out in a minute. Stop throwing stuff, jackass." Adam shouts back.

“Okay, fine. Just don’t touch your dick in there.”

Another clatter from the shower followed by “O-okay.”

Ronan sits on Adam’s low, lumpy bed and waits. He sits on his hands so as not to be tempted to touch or fuck with anything. He feels like an idiot. He should leave. If he leaves now they can absolutely pretend nothing happened. If he leaves now Ronan can play it off as a joke later. 

He hears the water sputter to a stop and Ronan clenches his teeth. Adam steps out with a towel wrapped around his hips. Ronan’s going to die, he can’t do this. “Put some fucking clothes on before I talk to you.” He grits through his teeth. 

Adam blushes and frowns. He turns away and grabs a few pristinely folded articles out of his dresser. He looks angry, he looks embarrassed. He looks ashamed. He goes back to the bathroom, presumedly to change and Ronan waits. 

When he comes back Adam’s wearing soft looking jeans and a dark grey tee shirt. His hair is still damp. Ronan wants to touch it. Adam pulls the lotion out of his back pocket and places it back on the dresser. 

“I can feel it.” Ronan blurts and his face catches fire. 

“I’m sorry.” Adam shakes his head as is blowing off a fly from his ear, “What? What can you feel?”

“That.” Without sliding his hand out he gestures to the small bottle on the dresser with his chin. “I can tell when you use that.”

“Okay” The smartest fucking boy in school isn’t getting it. 

“I can feel when you use it. I can feel it on myself. Not all the time. Not when you use it on your hands.” Ronan looks down at his lap. 

“Not when I use it on-? No. No no.” Ronan just nods sheepishly so Adam continues, “You mean. Just now though?” 

“Yep”

“No. No! Just.” Adam turns away and rests his head on the doorframe. 

“And one other time. A week and a half ago.” Ronan admits. Why not go for broke. Why not just lay it all out and never get to speak to Adam again. 

“A week and a half ago? Oh no oh no no no.” Adam slumps to the floor. Ronan wants to go hold him, rub his back, tell him he’s okay. But Adam probably never wants to look at Ronan again. “You just felt it, right?”

Ronan doesn’t answer but he pulls his backpack closer. He feels like he might throw up and he doesn’t want to get barf on any of Adam’s things. Wouldn’t that be a fucking cherry. Adam turns on the floor to angle towards him, “Right?”

“No” He buries his head in his hands. “No I, uh. Heard my name.” 

“Great. Good. Fantastic.” Adam lightly kicks at the base of the wall. Just twice. Ronan mumbles into his hands, “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“What the hell? You’re not the one who-”

“I’m sorry I’m fucking sorry. I’m a fucking creep. I just. I dont know. I didn’t want you to stop. You never take a damn minute for yourself and you sounded so relaxed and so good Adam I didn’t want you to stop. And also probably because I’m a fucking freak. I’m sorry. I’ll go. Can you just make something up to Gansey for why you hate me? Don’t tell him about this. Or do. I don’t care. I’ll go.” Ronan grabs his bag and for the second time that night reaches for the doorknob he doesn't want to leave through. 

And for the second time that night, he’s stopped by Adam. “Wait” Adam turns around to face him. He’s still sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. “You didn’t want me to stop? What does that even mean Lynch?”

Ronan can’t move. He can barely breathe. This feels wrong. It feels like a trick. Like he’s being asked to give too much just to have it all taken away. He wants to ignore the question. He wants to leave. He wants to say no to Adam Parrish. Except, thats a lie. Instead, he tells Adam, “It means I liked it.”

They stare at each other for a long moment. Neither move. If Ronan doesn’t take a breath soon he might pass out. Wouldn’t that be just precious. Slowly, Adam pushes off the floor. He stands up to face Ronan. Standing practically as far away as possible in the fucking microscopic apartment. He stands there, looking at Ronan. He reaches up and grabs the lotion behind him. The ‘pop’ of the lid echoes like thunder through the room. Ronan gulps. 

Adam’s gaze drops to the floor and then back up at him. Ronan feels himself step forward. Adam reaches down for the button of his jeans. Ronan takes another tentative step. Adam unzips the fly. Ronan takes another step. 

 

Adam blinks at him and bites softly at his lower lip. Ronan loses it. He lunges the last few steps to capture those lips with his own. Adam let's out a sigh. 

They kiss frantically. Adam fumbles at Ronan's pants. "I thought you were mad" Adam tells him. "I thought you were mad I was getting off to you. I knew you liked me, it turned me on" 

Ronan pushes Adam's pants the rest of the way down "You got off on my crush? You sick egotistical fuck" 

"Shut up" Ronan barks a laugh at that and Adam shoves him away from the wall towards the bed. Ronan falls back on it with a sharp exhale. "It started like that. But now. I don't know. You're just so. So." 

"It's okay. You can tell me I'm cute. I think you're cute too" Ronan winks and grabs at Adam's shirt. He tries to pull the other boy onto the bed while simultaneously pulling the shirt off. It doesn't really work. So Adam takes it off himself and tells Ronan "Absolutely not." 

Adam leans back down to kiss him, which Ronan gladly accepts. Ronan worries for a moment about, well everything. Is he too much teeth? Too much hands? Not enough saliva? Those fears fly out the window when Adam moans and grinds down on him. 

"F-uck Parrish" 

"I mean if you want" Adam laughs. Ronan's only seen him this careless a handful of times. Times like the shopping cart. 

Ronan grins. "What do you want, Adam?" 

Without missing a beat Adam tells him "What I want is for you to suck me off" He rolls off Ronan and onto his back. Ronan takes the opportunity to straddle him and get his hands all over Adam's beautiful tanned chest. 

"Would you now?" Ronan leans over and places a kiss over Adam's left nipple. "I know just how you like it. I've felt it." He takes the nipple in his mouth and sucks. Hard. Adam thrusts his hips off the bed. 

Ronan travels further down Adam's torso, keeping one hand splayed across his chest. Adam's sucking in breath like he's dying. Ronan travels until he reaches a bed of wiry dust colored hairs. Nestled in the hairs is Adam dick. Ronan wants to write sonnets about this penis and he hasn't even touched it yet. He hasn't touched it yet. So he does. He wraps his around it at the base. Glides his hand loosely up and down twice until the shaft is slick with precome. He glances back up and Adam and smirks like he won the fucking dick sucking lottery. Then swallows Adam down. 

Ronan tries his best to fight off any gag reflex and goes as deep as he can without hitting his uvula, compensating for any length he can't fit in his mouth with his hand. Because Ronan will do something well or he won't do it at all. He feels Adam gliding hands over his buzzed hair, one hand drifts down to rub his ear and it feels so so good.

Once he's got a good rhythm going he takes his hand further down to cup Adam's balls. He tries the massagey, pully thing he felt Adam did to himself a week and a half ago and Adam seems very enthusiastic about that. He even pops off Adam's dick for a moment to try his mouth on Adam's balls, letting his fingers tease behind them. Adam wines and Ronan feels something warm on the top of his head. He pulls back and gets his hands back on Adam, helping him finish. 

Adam's panting above him. He tugs on the collar of Ronan's shirt tells him "come here c'mere" so Ronan slides back up to get himself kissed fiercely. 

"What do you need?" Adam asks. 

"Your hands. Jesus Fuck your hands Adam. Just your hand please" So Adam does. Ronan comes a moment later with his dick in Adam's hand and his mouth on Adam's mouth. He sighs and flops down on top of Adam. 

Adam wraps his arms around him and sighs deeply. "This is gross. I definitely have to take another shower. I can't afford that." 

"If it saves you money we could always share one." Ronan mumbles into his neck and Adam swats lightly at his shoulder. Ronan grins and turns to look at him. "Okay. Number one. That's hand lotion. Don't use it on your junk. Get real lube. I'll buy you real lube. You can come over and use my real lube. Number two. You should come over and use my lube. We should do this again." 

"Okay"Adam yawns. 

"What really?" Ronan sits up slightly. 

Adam looks at him and smiles, almost embarrassed. "Yeah. That'd be good." He pulls the blanket off the floor and drapes it over them. "But before that, sleep." And Ronan kisses him until sleep takes them both.

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to punkrocklynch for making this less embarrassing than it could be


End file.
